Dude You Need This Comedy
A COMIC FROM MICHIGAN MOVES TO L.A AND HITS THE OPEN MIKE CIRCUIT AND REALIZES HE NEEDS A TOOL TO PROMOTE HIMSELF SO HE INVITES 6 OTHER COMICS AND A RAPPER TO DO A COMEDY CD. 2 COMICS SHOW UP AND THE RECORDING ENGINEER LENDS SOME OF HIS MUSIC. THREE DAYS BEFORE THE COMPLETION OF THIS CD THE RECORDING STUDIO WAS BROKEN INTO AND ALL THE COMPUTERS AND DIGITAL KEYBOARDS WERE STOLEN,WHICH WAS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBURG FOR ALL OF THE MYSTERIOUS HAPPENINGS WHICH OCCURED WHILE I WENT OUTSIDE THE MAINSTREAM AND PRODUCED MY OWN COMEDY CD. TRACK 24 TALKS ABOUT ALL THE OTHER STRANGE HAPPENINGS-ENJOY. I HAD A BLAST MAKING THIS CD. TRACK 1--- JUVINCI CODE I wrote this bit after hanging out at Vance Sanders open mike of love at the Westwood Brewing Company in of course Westwood. It's a Tuesday night comedy show for up and coming comics with has lasted ten years thus far. Vance Sanders is a great warm and funny host who wants all to prosper. The bad side is he is boys with the most annoying B actor ion the planet- MATT COMPLAIN I believe is his name.After listening to this creeps material I wrote the Juvinci Code. I am always uplifted when I drive through the large Jewish community on La Brea avenue in West LA and feel a sense of warmth, but Matt Complain is a real jerk who just happens to be Jewish. I still say hold to the rule of not messing with the Jews but Matt Complain is an ass. TRACK 2--- WRONG BODY This CD was written from a spiritual viewpoint. The song Wrong Body is a way of getting the slaves of men to wake up and realize these are just bodies and you never die only the body does. After taking some flack from another comic I wrote this song, enjoy. Jay Plot 1-3ra provided the beats, search for him on CDBABY. TRACK 3--- GAY HOLLYWOOD Yes I did work for a Gay 75 year old house builder named herb. He would work with his men, crawl under houses, lift sheets of lumber and run marathons. Herb is gay, One day while working for him in downtown Beverly Hills he got on my nerves big time so I decided to write him into my act. I must say after parting ways with Herb I got into a bind and all I had to do was call him and he was right there with 60 bucks and no favors had to be given, I am straight thank you very much. There is a gay mafia in Hollywood and I think it is safe to say he is a member. TRACK 4-CAMPING TRACK 10---THE ZOO TRACK 15---PILOT PIRCH 547 TRACK 21---FRIENDS AND MENTAL HEALTH Rich White is a comical genius. I first saw him perorm at the Ha Ha Cafe in North Hollywood while scouting talent for a comedy show I was putting together in Pamona and invited Rich White to be join my team, later I asked him to be on my CD. I wrote him a pilot pitch and got him in the studio. He read off the pilot pitch cold then proceeded to give me his pure comedy which I called Camping, The Zoo, and Frinds and Mental Health. Thanks Rich White. TRACK 5-CAREER OPEN MIKER The open mike circuit in LA is designed to keep unassuming comics busy and preoccupied to a point where they never get anywhere. The audience is mainly other comics who are waiting for their turn to perform.Once a person has the ability to make a room full of comics laugh he or she should move on. The coolest open mike show I ever attended was hosted by Nicole Jones, she is friends with Alonzo Bodden and convinced him to do her show one night. Good Times.This was at the Ha Ha Cafe in North Hollywood. TRACK 6-THE GEORGE 4 MEN ALLEN SMITHEY is an actor/comic who I saw at the Ha Ha Cafe in North Hollywood when he performed a 30 second comedy skit about his George 4 men Grill which was hillarious. I invited him to be on my CD and then wrote the George 4 men pilot pitch based on his comedy. He was very well rehearsed and performed like a trooper. Thanks ALLEN SMITHEY. TRACK 7-THE BLACK HOLLYWOOD CONSPIRACY I wrote a comedy bit for a black comic and then invited him to be on my CD, he was very receptive about coming into the studio until he found out I wrote the comey. He did not even read what I wrote---F*** HIM. I Cannot help but feel he did not do the bit because it was writted by a white person---me. TRACK 8-DOUG AND DERECK MURDER IN BELLEVILLE, MICHIGAN. Two kids in the suburbs of Detroit are handfed psychiatric drugs and when they reach their early twenties decide to bash a mans head in with a tire iron. While hiding the body they shove doughnuts into the mans mouth---WEIRD. Having known these two I wanted to go back to my hometown of Belleville and have Doug and Dereck cry to high heaven about their use of psychiatric drugs during the trial.I did not make it back so the wrong thing to do is nothing--I wrote this song. TRACK 9-MOVIE REVIEWS Steven Speilburgs Munich just impressed me. Phillip Seymour Hoffman blew up with his film Capote and he deserves a hats off. I love Hollywood movies and Class A Actors! TRACK 10-RICH WHITE TACK 11-MEXICAN IMMIGRATION ISSUE I needed work and went to a temp service called CLP on Venice BLVD in West LA. The lady who handled the application process was a real hater. She was mexican and after a degrading interview she ripped up my application right in front of me. I later heard that happened to be the week of the Mexican Labor protest where all of the illegal immigrants marched in a parade in downtown LA to show their strength and numbers. I guess I felt the backlash of that situation so I wrote this bit. TRACK 12-JASON VERSUS LABOR REDDY I wrote this bit after using temporary employment services in LA as a way to support myself while doing stand up. BAD IDEA. TRACK 13-DERANGED FANS I wrote this track as a dedication to all people with absolutly no sense of humor. TRACK 14-UHH OHH! TRACK 23 HAPPY NOW I wanted good music on my CD from up and coming artists. JAY PLOT 1-3ra and ROXIE SAKURA at LICORICH RECORDS got the job done with these two songs.UHH OHH! Also features D-PANIC. Jay Plot 1-3Ra was also my recording engineer and saved me time and money by being so good with pro-tools--Thanks ALL ACCESS MUSICIAN.Search for Licorich Records and Roxie Sakura on CDBABY--GOOD STUFF. TRACK 15-PERFORMED BY RICH WHITE. TRACK 16-VENICE BEACH What a beautiful place full of tourists, merchants and locals. I got both my tats at The House of Ink on Venice Beach by a talented artist named Luke who hails from Arizona. My favorite pizza on the planet is at Big Daddy and Sons pizza on Venice Beach. The best Chineese fast food can be found at Tasty Goody on Lincoln BLVD in Venice.At night after these place close the freaks come out just like in the movie Escape from New York--scary stuff.Main Street in Santa monica is awesome at night-hang there,on third street, or at the Santa Monica Peer, NEVER IN VENICE BEACH. TRACK 17-CHIECH and CHUNG TRIBUTE I have always been a Chiech and Chung fan since watching their movies as a kid. Pretty much the Mexicans havetaken back California and I wrote this bit as a satire of the times. TRACK 18-HOW TO QUIT SMOKING Yes I labored on Paul Allens estate in the Hollywood Hills and wrote the situation into my comedy. It was a pleasant enviroment and happy times. TRACK 19-PILOT PITCH #442 I wrote this pilot pitch called Help a Brother Out and would really like to develop it into a weekly series.It spoofs all the oddites which some how end up in Hollywood. TRACK 20-MICK AT NIGHT Just a spoof on old time T.V shows. I wrote this knowing the masses would get the humor do to Nick at night. TRACK 21-RICH WHITE TRACK 22-A CLOCKBROKE ORANGE I wrote this because I am a huge Stanley Kuprick fan. At the age of 12 my friend David Gutierez was the first on the block to get cable. One Friday night at midnight we watched A Clockwork Orange. What a lasting impression it had on me the way Malcom McDowel narrated this masterpiece of cinema. The music was also cool. Jay Plot 1-3RA produced the music in this track. Thanks Jay. Track 23-Roxie Sakura and Jay Plot 1-3RA From the album Happy Now on CDBABY. Track 24-STAY TUNED I just thought it would be fun to write about all the bizzar happenings which I encountered while making this CD. I had a blast. Track 25-CLEAR ME NOW DANCE MIX SILENCE IN THE BIRTHROOM PLEASE!!!!!! If it were possible to remember all the way back to conception and recover everything that was done and said while you in the whom would your parents protest??????? TRACK 26-- THE UNFINISHED TRACK In case your wondering, the Mexican comic didn't show up. SONG LYRICS------- WRONG BODY LYRICS BY Rich Ramsey WRONG BODY MUSIC BY JAY PLOT 1-3ra' CHILL OUT BEFORE YOUSAY I'M WRONG FOR DOING WHAT I DO, DON'T HIDE BEHIND YOUR BODY TYPE YOU KNOW THESE WORDS ARE TRUE. LIFE AFTER LIFE I ALWAYS PICK THE WRONG BODY STYLE, IT'S NOTY COOL TO BE A WHITE MAN, SO HERE I AM ON FUNKIN TRIAL. CHORUS BECAUSE I ALWAYS PICK THE WRONG BODY WRONG TIME IT'S MY CHOICE BUT I ALWAYS PICK THE WRONG BODY WRONG TIME I NEVER DIE BUT I ALWAYS PICK THE WRONG WRONG BODY WRONG TIME WORKING ON THE RAILROAD GETTING IT BUILT VERY LITTLE WATER TO DRINK I'M TELLING YOU STRAIGHT UP THAT YOU WERE THE WHITE MAN AND I WAS THE FUNKIN CHINK. THE SPIRIT NEVER DIES GETTING BODY AFTER BODY NEVER THE SAME ONE TWICE EARTH IS A DUMPING GROUND FOR F***ED UP SPIRITS ONES WHO AREN'T VERY NICE. CHORUS BACK ON TIME TRACK WHEN THE PSYCHIATRIST CAUSED THE HOLOCOST I LEFT TWO BODIES LYING THEN BECAME A LITTLE LOST JUST REMEMBER WHEN YOU GET UPSET AFTER WATCHING THE NEWS YOU PROBRABLY DROVE A TANK FOR THE GERMANS AND I WAS WITH THE JEWS CHORUS I WROTE THIS DVD AS A SPIRIT NOT A BODY TYPE SO SIT BACK RELAX, HAVE A COUPLE OF DRINKS I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE HYPE ALWAYS REMEMBER LIFE IS A GAME PLAY IT LIKE ONE AND WIN JUST KNOW THAT THE PLAYERS ARE IMMORTAL AND YOU'LL MEET THEM ALL AGAIN HOPEFULLY NOT IN THE WRONG BODY WRONG TIME SONG LYRICS------- DOUG AND DERECK LYRICS BY Rich Ramsey DOUG AND DERECK MUSIC ARRANGED BY RICH DOUG AND DERECK YOUR APPLICATION FOR SECURITY CLEARANCE HAS BEEN DENIED. IT'S A BIT STATICKY, CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW WAIT I'LL MOVE OVER HERE, CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW NO I'M SORRY THE PSYCHIATRIST GOT A HOLD OF YOU WE CAN'T CLEAR YOU DEAR PSYCHIATRIST DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME I AM MUCH TO BUSY WITH MY COMEDY BUT WHEN I TELL THE PEOPLE YOU SHOCKED THE E TRU HOLLYWOOD STORY THERE GONNA HUNT YOU DOWN IN THE STREET AND CUT YOUR FUNKIN HEAD OFF CHORUS---- CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW NO I'M SORRY THE PSYCHS GOT A HOLD OF YOU DEAR PSYCHIATRIST DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME I AM MUCH TO BUSY FLORISHING BUT WHEN I TELL THE PEOPLE YOU DRUGGED THE E TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY THERE GONNA HUNT YOU DOWN IN THE STREET AND CUT YOUR FUNKIN HEAD OFF CHORUS DEAR PSYCHIATRIST DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME I AM MUCH TOO BUSY HELPING BUT WHEN I TELL THE PEOPLE YOU DIAGNOSED THE E TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY THERE GONNA HUNT YOPU DOWN IN THE STREET AND CUT YOUR FUNKIN HEAD OFF CHORUS -------------- SONG LYRICS------- CLEAR ME NOW DANCE MIX LYRICS---Rich Ramsey CLEAR ME NOW DANCE MIX MUSIC ARRANGEMENT-Rich Ramsey CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW- NO I'M SORRY THE PSYCHS GOT A HOLD OF YOU AS I WALK THIS EARTH A ZOMBIE GOING FROM PLACE TO PLACE I REFLECT BACK OF MY TIME IN THE UTERUS AND AM GLAD TO BE OUT OF THAT FUNKIN SPACE CHORUS I CAME DOWN AT BIRTH AND PICKED UP THE BODY IT TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED IN THE WHOM THESE MOTHERS OF EARTH HAVE BEEN A BIT NAUGHTY TREAT THE FETUS BETTER OR MANKIND IS DOOMED IT GOT SUCKERPUNCHED IN THE FACE BY SOME DICKHEAD 27000 TIMES WAS SOAKED IN LYSOL FOR 3 DAYS WITH NO BREAK AND GIVEN 1432 JABS BY A COATHANGER MADE STRAIGHT CHORUS SO IF YOUR GONNA MAKE A BABY HERE IS A WORD TO THE WISE DON'T STRAIN HAVE INTERCOURSE, MASTERBATE OR USE SPEECH AROUND AN INJURED FETUS GUYS SSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHORUS AND SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO GET RID OF IT HAVE A PROFESSIONAL HANDLE THE KNIFE AND CUT IF THE BABY IS ABUSED FROM CONCEPTION TO BIRTH IT WILL WALK THIS PLANET A FUNKIN ROBOT CHORUS CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW NO I'M SORRY THE PSYCHIATRIST GOT AHOLD OF YOU.